How Politicians lie.

“All lies and jests, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest – lie la lie, lie…lie, lie, lie, lie”
– Paul Simon “The Boxer” 
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Creation Vs. Evolution Resolved (Humor)

A boy asked his mom about their ancestry.  Mom spoke of her illustrious background, all the way back to the early Biblical figures.

"And where did they come from?"

"From Adam and Eve".

"And they"?

"G-d created them."

The boy wrote it down and then went to dad.

"Where do we come from?" asks the boy.

"Ah, we come from the apes. After millions years of evolution we evolved into humans."

The confused boy comes running back to his mom. "Mom, you said we come from Adam, Eve and G-d.

Dad says we come from the apes…"

 "No contradiction here, son," she said. "I was talking about my side of the family."

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A hard Habit to break. (Humor)

President Obama is standing outside the White House smoking a cigarette and rehearsing his next speech.
 
Suddenly his chief of Staff bursts out the door.
 
“Sir, you have to stop”  he says.
 
Obama looks at him and then his cigarette.
 
“Uh why the concern?” the President says quizzically.
 
“I’m worried this habit could kill you sir” he explains.
 
“I’m trying to quit you know” the President says with a sigh.
 
“Yes sir, and you have been pretty good about refraining for the last few months.  But now you’ve started again!”
 
After stubbing out his cigarette Obama says in his defense “It’s hard to break a 20 year old habit”  .
 
“Granted sir.  And that’s why I corrected your speech.”  
 
“It’s God BLESS America sir not God DAMN America”. 
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